Step 6

Become entirely ready to have God remove all of your character weaknesses.

The most wonderful thing about Step 6 is that God can and will remove our character weaknesses.  Still, we must be ready for this to take place.

A funny thing about addiction is that, as much as I want to be rid of my addictions and all that they entail, there is a part of me that isn’t really ready for that.  There is a part of me that will be sad, in a way, to see those things disappear.  I’ve built a life, a way of coping with stress, an identity around my addictive behaviors.  They have been present for a long time.  This is where I think the challenge of being “ready” lies—ready for a life removed of the things that separate us from the Spirit, and replaced by one that is filled with It, no matter how lonely, desperate, or frightening that might seem; ready to simply allow the Lord to make of us what He will.

It seems a common characteristic that people who struggle with addictive behaviors also tend to be ones who struggle with a desire to control everything around them.  I know that this is certainly the case with myself.  This is exactly the opposite of what the Lord needs from us; He needs us to quit trying to control things, He needs us to “be still and know that [He is] God.”  Ironically, I think it is this tendency toward being in control that leads us into addictive behaviors.  I am learning that in indulging in my addictions, I am trying to create a world where I am in charge.  I use my addictions to try and control those around me.

At first, Step 6 seems pretty harmless; of course I am willing to be “ready to have God remove all of [my] character weaknesses.”  But, as I’ve thought about it, that “readiness” is really a life-long pursuit toward humility and submissiveness.

We need not only believe in the idea that Christ has suffered for our sins, but we need to believe Christ when he says that he will forgive us.  It is easy to believe that it is possible for someone else’s sins to be forgiven, it is easy to believe in the possibility of salvation, but it is quite another to believe Christ when he tells us that our sins can be (and are) forgiven.  I have always found it easy to theorize that the Atonement makes repentance possible, but have often placed myself outside of Its realm of possibility—certainly the Savior can’t forgive something as vile as what I’ve done!

I am learning more and more each day that the Plan of Salvation is so much more about learning to trust God, and learning to be patient and humble than it is about doing anything.

Step 5

Step 5 is about the only thing scarier than Step 4!

Step 5:

Admit to yourself, to your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, to proper priesthood authority, and to another person the exact nature of your wrongs.

I’ve been thinking about the meaning(s) of this step for a long time, hence my several-month-long absence.  On the surface, it seems like Step 5 is about little else other than public humiliation.  I know that, for me, this step seems like an exercise in airing dirty laundry in public.  As I’ve been thinking about this, though, two things have come to me.

First, I think Step 5 is a further step toward the complete humility that the Savior asks of us.  I don’t say “humility” in that we are ashamed of ourselves, but that we recognize how much we need the Savior’s assistance.  Diving into our past, admitting our grossest sins focuses our attention on the absolute necessity for the Savior in our recovery.

Second, I think that making this admission helps us to finally be honest with ourselves about the reality of our position.  It is so easy, so tempting to try and down-play the severity of our addiction.  We think that we have it “under control” or that it is that big of a deal.  We pretend that the problem is smaller than it is.  By confronting it head on, by look at it straight in the face, we acknowledge how desperately we need to change, how hopelessly we have tried, and how completely we must rely upon the Savior instead of ourselves.

Also, I think there is a certain calming effect that takes place as we “lay our burdens” down.

Admitting our faults (and all of their ugly details) to a priesthood authority and to another person is certainly the most frightening part of this process.  We are afraid of ridicule, of discipline, of embarrassment.  I can’t say that I am fully comfortable with divulging everything to someone else, but I understand that until I am willing to fully accept whatever consequences might await me, I have not yet reached that point of complete humility.  We mustn’t fear man more than God.

In all actuality, people are a whole lot more compassionate, understanding, and forgiving than I think we like to believe.  Sure, there are lots of people out there who might use these pieces of information against us, or who might choose to cease associating with us, but as a whole, I think we find that those around us are excited, hopeful, and encouraged that we are trying to recover from our addictions.

I pray that I can find the strength to follow through with Step 5.

P.S. I am feeling kind of rusty in my thinking and articulation, please bear with me as I try to gain some momentum ‘round here.